How to Build a Relationship with the Adoptive Family
As a prospective birth mother, you may feel nervous about getting to know your child’s adoptive family. Don’t worry; this is completely normal.
You know that you want to build a relationship with the adoptive parents, but you might not have a solid idea of where to start. That’s why we’re here to help you out with this informative guide.
You can contact us online at any time to get free adoption information now. This comprehensive guide will explain everything that you need to know about developing a deep, meaningful bond with your baby’s adoptive family.
How to Build a Relationship with the Adoptive Family [What You Need to Know]
When it comes to building a relationship with the adoptive family, you’ll need to understand how pre-placement contact works. After you’ve chosen an adoption professional to work with and selected the right adoptive parents for your baby, you will meet the adoptive family for the first time.
Because you are the prospective birth mother, you are in 100% control of your adoption process from the beginning to the end. You get to call all the shots while your adoption professional does all the heavy lifting for you. This includes deciding what form of pre-placement contact works best for you. Here are some examples that you can choose from:
- Phone calls
- Emails
- Text messages
- In-person visits
- Or whatever you feel comfortable with
It’s normal to feel nervous about meeting the adoptive parents for the first time. To help you out, your adoption professional can mediate your first conversation with them by asking some questions to help break the ice.
Getting to know someone knew can always be awkward, but your professional will be there to guide the conversation along. Also, getting to know the family better before placement can make you feel more confident in adoption.
Benefits of Building a Relationship with the Adoptive Family [Before Placement]
The earlier you start building a relationship with your child’s adoptive parents, the better. This is because it gives you more time to feel an emotional connection with the people who will be raising your baby.
Through open adoption, you can know that your child is growing up happy and healthy in a loving home. Laying the foundation of this relationship before placement ensures that you’ve made the right decision for both yourself and your child.
Still, you likely have plenty of questions about building that relationship in the first place. When you first meet with your child’s hopeful adoptive parents, it can be helpful to prepare a list of questions to ensure that everything is as smooth as possible.
To help get you started, here are some examples of questions to ask adoptive parents:
- What led you to choose adoption?
- What are some of your favorite family traditions?
- How would you describe your parenting style?
- What values do you hold dear?
- How will you talk to your child about their adoption story?
Keep in mind, though, that all of this will vary depending on your desires for open adoption and the professional you’re working with. As a prospective birth mother, you will have the right to choose what kind (and how much) of a relationship you want with the adoptive family. You also have the right to choose the adoptive family by browsing profiles alongside your trusted adoption professional.
Sensitive Topics for Adoptive Parents
On the other hand, there are also some topics that you may want to avoid discussing with the hopeful adoptive parents. We know that you have good intentions, but we want to ensure that no one has their feelings hurt during this process. Here are some subjects that you’ll want to steer clear of while speaking with the adoptive family:
- Comments or questions about infertility. Many adoptive families consider adoption because they are struggling with infertility, and this can be a sensitive topic for them. Although the adoptive parents may bring this up themselves, avoid referencing it yourself. It may trigger heartbreaking memories of the adoptive parents’ past.
- Invasive or offensive questions. Be sure to respect the adoptive family’s privacy while you speak with them. One way to avoid this is by getting to know the basics of adoptive parents’ histories before delving into questions surrounding their private life.
- Don’t rush your conversation with them. You don’t want to hurry the adoptive parents, so respect their answers and allow them to elaborate on subjects if they wish. When you’re getting to know someone, the last thing you want to do is hurry along the process. Take your time, and be thoughtful and considerate. If they don’t answer all your questions this time around, then that’s OK. There will be plenty of other opportunities for them to do so.
Your Side of the Adoption Relationship
It’s worth mentioning that building a relationship is never a one-way street. Just as you may be nervous about your first meeting with the hopeful adoptive parents, they are likely nervous, too.
Pre-placement contact can be stressful for everyone, so be sure to reciprocate the adoptive family’s gesture by telling them about yourself, too. When you meet the adoptive parents, here are some things that you can tell them about:
- Talk about some of your favorite things, whether it’s movies, music or something else entirely
- Discuss what led you to pursue adoption and why you’ve chosen them to raise your baby
- Talk about ideas you might have for naming the baby if you feel comfortable doing so
Remember, if you need any guidance during this process, your adoption professional can always help you out. They’ve mediated plenty of conversations between adoptive parents and birth mothers like you. If you need some pointers, then you can brainstorm some ideas for questions with them.
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If you have any more questions about building a relationship with the adoptive family, then we’re here to answer them. You can fill out our online contact form whenever you’re ready to get more adoption information now. We would be happy to help you in any way that we can.