How Adoption Works
Putting Kids Up for Adoption Together: Your Options
“I don’t want my children; what do I do?” You’re not alone, and there is always help. Here, learn more about how to give children up for adoption together.
Being a parent to one child is hard enough. When you find yourself pregnant again, still struggling to provide for your older child, you may wonder in desperation: “Is putting kids up for adoption together even possible?”
Before we answer that question, you need to learn a bit more about the process for placing children for adoption. We understand your frustration right now, but adoption is a permanent solution to what may be a temporary problem. It’s only an option you should pursue after thorough research and deliberation.
Fortunately, this article is here to help. Keep reading to learn more about giving up children for adoption — and how to decide whether it’s right for you.
What to Do If I Don’t Want My Children Anymore?
Parenting is hard. Even for the best-prepared, there will be moments of frustration, regret and feeling overwhelmed. But there’s a big difference between feeling these emotions every now and then and carrying them with you 24/7.
As a parent, you are responsible for doing what’s best for your family. That includes you. If you’re thinking, “I don’t want my children,” you can’t realistically be the parent your children need right now. Every child deserves a parent who will love and support them, even when times are hard.
Before you contact someone about putting your children up for adoption, however, we recommend you do the following:
1. Speak with a Mental Health Professional
Thoughts of “I don’t want my children; what do I do?” or “I want to give my kids up for adoption” can be signs that you’re not ready to be a parent right now — or they could stem from antenatal and postpartum depression.
You may not know that you can experience depression during pregnancy, just like you can after your child is born. During and after pregnancy, hormones will affect your mood. Don’t forget about the stress of caring for a newborn in addition to your older children. This can all add up to feelings of frustration and depression.
Before you look into putting children up for adoption, please reach out to a doctor or mental health professional. They can help you evaluate your personal situation and determine if your feelings are a result of pre- or postpartum depression. It’s more common than you know — but there is help.
2. Look at Your Available Resources
An unplanned pregnancy can throw anyone for a loop. If you’re already caring for a child, another pregnancy just means double bills, double childcare and more.
Fortunately, there is support available. If you’re thinking, “I want to put my children up for adoption,” look into the local and federal resources that can help you parent, such as:
You might also reach out to support groups, such as:
3. Speak with a Trusted Loved One.
An unplanned pregnancy can make you feel terribly alone. If you have a trusted family member or friend, reach out to them for emotional support. You may be surprised at what kind of advice and suggestions they can provide.
If you’re thinking, “I don’t want my children anymore” and are concerned for their safety, you might ask your loved one about a temporary guardianship. This will place your children into their custody until you can improve your physical and mental situation. When you’re ready to parent your children again, you can take back custody and end the guardianship.
This may be the best option if you have multiple children for which you are considering adoption, as placement within one home may be difficult (more on that below).
Is Giving Up Kids for Adoption an Option?
If you’re thinking about putting your children up for adoption, there are a few things you need to know:
- Most private adoption agencies work only with newborns and young children.
- Giving your kids up for adoption through the foster care system will be difficult.
- The older your children are, the more traumatic an adoption placement will be.
Most times, when people think about sibling-group adoption, they think about foster care. Children are often placed in foster care because of unsafe conditions — not because a parent chooses to place them. The priority of foster care is reunification, not adoption.
If you’re considering voluntarily putting your kids up for adoption, you’ll usually need to work with a private adoption agency. However, many of the couples who work with these agencies are solely interested in newborns and young children; the ages of your older children will determine whether or not adoption is possible.
Contact these professionals to learn whether adoption is an option in your situation:
How to Give Children Up for Adoption Together
Before we get into the details of placing your children for adoption, there’s one thing you need to know: Choosing adoption is in no way “giving up” or “giving away” your children. While “giving up for adoption” is a commonly used phrase, it does not accurately represent the bravery and love of birth mothers. When you place your children for adoption, you make the selfless decision to do what is best for them, even if it’s with another family.
If you’ve decided to put your children up for adoption, you’ll need to follow these steps to create the best experience for your whole family:
Step 1: Contact an Adoption Professional.
As mentioned above, you’ll need to work with an adoption professional to safely, ethically and legally place your children for adoption. An adoption professional will screen adoptive families and ensure your children are placed into a loving home together. They will also provide all the services required in an adoption to you for free.
With a professional by your side, you protect your own interests, as well as those of your children.
Step 2: Create an Adoption Plan.
Your adoption professional will help you create an extensive plan to put your kids up for adoption. This plan will include:
- What kind of family you want for your children
- What kind of contact you want to share after placement
- What you want your hospital stay to look like (if you haven’t yet given birth)
- And more
This plan will address every “what if” of the adoption process and help you feel more comfortable in your choice.
Step 3: Choose an Adoptive Family.
An important part of how to put children up for adoption involves finding the right family. Not all families are open to adopting multiple children at once, so your professional will help identity families who are willing and able to preserve the existing sibling bond.
Typically, you’ll be presented profiles of families who match your preferences. You’ll be able to talk to them over the phone and even meet them in person before placing your children in their custody.
Step 4: Give Your Consent for Adoption.
If you are currently pregnant, you’ll need to wait until your child is born before giving your official consent for adoption. You’ll be provided an attorney, who will explain your legal rights and help you understand how to give your children up for adoption.
The legal process for placing children for adoption will vary slightly, depending on your situation. If you have any questions, make sure to reach out to an adoption attorney for answers.
Step 5: Start Post-Placement Contact.
“Giving up” kids for adoption doesn’t have to mean “goodbye.” You can choose to maintain a relationship with your children even after placement. This is called open adoption.
Open adoption can look however you want it to, including:
- Phone calls
- Pictures and letters
- Texts and emails
- Video chats
- In-person visits
- And more
You can see your children grow up in a family who can provide opportunities you can’t, and you can remain an important part of their life in the years to come. For some women who think, “I don’t want my children anymore,” open adoption can be the perfect solution.
For more information about open adoption (or any other aspect of putting kids up for adoption together), please contact an adoption professional.