If you’re considering adoption, you may be worried about how your child’s adoptive family will speak to them about you as they grow up. You’re probably wondering:
Will my child know that they were adopted?
How will my child’s new parents talk about me?
What will the adoptive family say to explain adoption to my child?
Will the adoptive family reassure my child that I didn’t “give up” on them?
Many adoptive families tell their children that they’re adopted from an early age. Keeping their adoption story a secret for a child’s entire life is a recipe for disaster. When adoptions are kept secret, many adoptees have negative feelings about their adoption experience. Later in life, they might not be sure where to start looking for their birth parents and might have mixed feelings about meeting them for the first time.
As a result of the trend towards openness, many adoptees today know that they’ve been adopted from birth and may even have a close relationship with their birth parents. For them, adoption is something that has always been celebrated, and they understand that their birth parents’ decision was made out of pure love.
Every adoption is different, but many adoptive families take the same steps when it comes to talking with their children about adoption.
How Will My Child’s Adoptive Parents Explain Their Adoption?
All adoptive families recognize that adoption is never an easy, overnight decision. They know that adoption is one of the bravest and most selfless decisions that a prospective birth mother could make for her baby. To them, adoption means the world, and they will always be grateful to you for your decision to place your baby for adoption.
Instead of hiding their children’s heritage, adoptive families today choose to celebrate and embrace their children’s adoption stories. Many of these families have waited for years just for the chance to bring a child into their home, and because of this, want their child to understand just how special they are.
To help try and familiarize their child with what the adoptive process looks like, they might start with children’s books that talk about adoption and then help expand their knowledge of adoption‐related vocabulary as they grow up. Every child will have their own feelings about their adoption during their formative years, but they will always understand that you made this decision out of love.
How Will the Adoptive Parents Talk About Me?
The adoptive family will share as much about you as you want them to. As this is your adoption plan, you get to decide just how much contact you’d like to have with the adoptive family and your child and how much you would like to share about yourself. You might choose to share:
- Your first and last name
- Your address and what state you live in
- Your email address
- Your phone number
- Your hobbies
- Your child’s family history
Of course, this is entirely up to you, and you can share more about yourself if you like. Your child will be able to get to know you through:
- Phone calls and emails
- In‐person visits
- Pictures and letters
When you remain in your child’s life through an open adoption, they’ll always know who you are and be able to understand your adoption decision. If your child wants to learn more about your adoption decision, and you’d rather the details come from you, you’ll be able to explain it to them yourself.
Open adoptions can last long after the adoption is finalized, so you’ll be able to have contact with your child as they grow up. If there’s anything special that you would like to tell them, that will always be an option for you.
If you’re not comfortable with an open adoption and are instead looking for more privacy, you always have the option of choosing a closed adoption. The adoptive family will always respect your wishes. Even in a closed adoption, many children know that they’ve been adopted, even if they don’t know who their biological parents are. You can always choose to write a confidential letter to your child explaining your decision if you choose this path.
How Will the Adoptive Parents Celebrate My Child’s Adoption?
To every adoptive parent, bringing their child home for the first time is a moment they will always treasure.
Your child will forever be an important member of their new family. They will be loved, cherished, and reminded every day of how special they are. Many families take the time to celebrate their child’s story through World Adoption Day and remember to mark it on their calendars every year.
The adoptive family will always reassure your child that you chose adoption because of how much you loved them, not because you wanted to “give them up.” You will always be a special part of their life, and they will treasure the opportunity that you gave them.
How Can I Find an Adoptive Family That Will Be Honest With My Child?
If you’re looking for an adoptive family that will always celebrate your child’s adoption story, you can contact the following adoption agencies: