You want your baby to know how deeply they’re loved every single day of their life. But, if you’re thinking about placing your baby for adoption, you may be worried that your decision made out of love won’t be understood by your child as they grow up. You might even be afraid of your child hating you or thinking that you “gave them up” — something that is, of course, untrue.
When faced with this dilemma, prospective birth mothers often ask themselves the following questions during their adoption:
Will My Child Understand My Adoption Decision?
Years ago, many adopted children didn’t have the chance to get to know their birth parents because of the social stigma of unexpected pregnancies. This, in turn, lead to closed adoptions being the norm. Today, we are lucky that adoptions have moved towards a trend of openness, so that the majority of children have the opportunity to know their birth parents.
Many children today grow up knowing that they were adopted and understand why any woman would make this hard decision out of love for her baby. They may come to understand that their birth mother was faced with a difficult situation where she wasn’t able to provide them with the life she always wanted to, and so she instead turned to adoption for help.
If you are worried that your child won’t understand your adoption decision, there are some ways that you can help them have confidence in their story during their childhood and beyond.
What are Some Ways That I Can Help My Child Understand My Adoption Decision?
The best way that your child will be able to understand your adoption decision is through frequent communication with you, their birth mother.
You have the option to share as much about yourself as you would like through either an open or semi‐open adoption. In this type of adoption, you might choose to share:
- Phone calls
- Pictures and letters
- And more
When your child has the ability to get to know you, it will make it easier for them to process your reasons for their placement. They’ll be able to ask you important questions such as, “Why did you place me for adoption?” that they might have gone their whole life without knowing. They will understand their adoption story in more detail than they ever could by hearing about it in person from you.
What Will My Child Think of Me?
Prospective birth mothers also worry about whether their child will hate or resent them later on in life because of their adoption decision. Most of all, they may ask themselves, “Will my child think that I just didn’t want them and that I ‘gave up’ too soon?”
These fears are normal to have but, when you take the proper steps with your adoption, you can ensure your child respects and loves you for your decision. The adoptive family that you pick will celebrate your child’s adoption story during their childhood and will communicate with your child the hard decision you made to give them a better future. Through honest and open communication from their adoptive family, your child will grow to understand and appreciate your selfless decision and will never think that you choose adoption because you wanted to “give them up.”
How Do Children Feel About Being Adopted?
Every child has their own feelings about their adoption story. Children that have grown up in closed adoptions often have a difficult time trying to find their birth parents and, as a result, have a negative outlook on the adoption process.
But, because adoptions are much more open today, many adoptees do have a positive outlook on the adoption process. Their adoptive parents have celebrated their adoption story their entire life, and the adoptees are grateful for the new opportunities that they’ve experienced because of the love from their birth parents and their adoptive family. For them, adoption is nothing to be ashamed of but instead something to always be celebrated.
Will My Child Understand Why if I Choose a Closed Adoption?
If you’re contemplating the different types of adoption available to you, you might be worried that your child won’t understand your decision if you’re leaning towards a closed or a semi‐open adoption.
For many adoptees, there’s nothing that they want more than to reconnect with their birth parents and to get to know the people who made such a brave, selfless decision. For many children that have been placed through a closed adoption, getting to know their birth parents for the first time means reclaiming a part of their identity, and they will be overjoyed at the chance to get to know their biological relatives.
It can be difficult to choose a closed adoption, even if you know that it might be the best decision for yourself and your baby. If you’re considering a closed adoption, be sure to talk to your adoption specialist about what to expect for yourself and your child in terms of the emotional healing process.
Where Can I Find Help With My Adoption Decision?
As a prospective mother hoping that your child will understand your adoption decision, you probably have plenty of other questions on your mind, as well. To get the answers you need, here are some great adoption agencies that you can contact: