Is Adoption Right For You?
Making Your Adoption Decision
Questions to Ask Yourself to Decide if Adoption is Right for You
Do I have to have my mind made up before getting more information about adoption?
It is rare for a woman to be committed to adoption during her first phone call. When you contact an Adoption Specialist, they should help you objectively explore adoption to determine if it is the best choice for you and your baby, and they will help answer any of your other adoption questions. If you decide adoption is right for you, your Specialist will begin working with you on your adoption plan.
How much will adoption cost me?
Adoption services are free to you, including medical expenses, legal services, counseling services, adoptive family support, education and counseling services, and more. Also, in most situations, you will be eligible to receive living expenses to help cover your pregnancy-related expenses while pregnant.
Do I choose the adoptive family? How will I know there is a perfect family willing to adopt my baby?
You are in charge of nearly every part of the adoption, including choosing the adoptive family to raise your baby. Your Adoption Specialist will work with you to find exactly the type of family you see your child growing up in.
Whether you envision your child growing up in the city or in the country, in the Midwest or on the West Coast, you choose the adoptive family and thus the life your child will have. There are thousands of families looking to adopt a child; there will be the perfect family waiting for you and your child.
Can I get to know the adoptive family?
If you want to get to know the adoptive family you choose before your baby is born, your Adoption Specialist can help make that happen. Getting to know the family will help ensure they are a good fit and that you both share the same goals. Some of the ways that women get to know families before an adoption include sharing conference calls with the adoptive family and their Adoption Specialist, exchanging emails or even arranging in-person visits with the family. Your Adoption Specialist will help guide you throughout this process of getting to know the adoptive parents.
Can I have a relationship with my baby?
Over the past few decades, adoption has become increasingly “open” in that birth parents have more opportunities than ever to continue a relationship with their child and the adoptive parents. Based on your personal preferences, you could choose to stay a part of your child’s life with pictures and letters from the adoptive family, phone calls/Skype to talk to your child and the adoptive parents or even in-person visits. As you make your adoption plan, your Adoption Specialist will help you decide what type of contact and frequency is right for you. Many adoptive families are interested in an open adoption and are excited for you to maintain a personal relationship with your child.
Will my child “hate” me for choosing adoption?
Most adopted children love and respect their birth parents for the selfless decision they made, which provided them with the best life possible. Think about it: A child who grows up with loving parents, a comfortable home, a good school, and is provided with an overall great life is going to be a pretty happy kid. Why would a child have any ill feelings toward his or her birth parents for making such an awesome decision? As adoption has become more open over the past 30 years, most adoptees know their adoption stories from the beginning. Today’s adopted children, adolescents and adults generally have positive feelings about their adoption.
Will adoptive parents love my child as much as their own children?
Nearly all adoptive parents have tried for years to have children but are unsuccessful due to infertility. Because of their struggles, their desire to become parents becomes even stronger.
This is why adopted children often have such happy lives filled with opportunities. Adoptive parents, once blessed with a child, make him or her into the light of their lives. Even families composed of both adopted and biological children are all loved and treated equally.
When will I feel better and more confident about my adoption decision?
Women often feel better about their adoption decision when they begin looking at adoptive families and finally find the perfect family for their child. Once you select a family and get to know them, the family becomes more “real” and not just a couple seen through pictures and video. You are able to see how excited they are to become parents and why they would make great parents. Finally, by staying connected after the adoption, you will see that your child is happy and healthy, making you feel good about your decision.
Autumn, a birth mother, discussed these feelings:
“I was scared that I might regret my decision later on when my daughter became older and when I was more financially stable and could have been able to raise her. However, seeing how happy she is with her adoptive family makes me feel good about my decision, and I would never want to take all the wonderful experiences that she has had away from her. I could not give her everything that she deserved and everything that I had always dreamed for my children to have. I know that it is because of my decision that those opportunities are possible for her.”