Emotional Effects of Adoption
The emotional effects of adoption can come in many forms. Many women experience positive emotions along with the difficult feelings of adoption grief, like peace, relief and happiness at seeing their child thriving with a loving family.
No matter what, your feelings are valid and you can reach out to an adoption professional to get free adoption counseling or read on to learn more.
What is Adoption Grief and Loss?
Adoption grief and loss is used to describe the range of emotions during the adoption process and after the adoption is complete. Most people will experience a variety of emotions as they proceed through the adoption process, so grief doesn’t describe one particular emotion, but many.
What to Expect with Adoption Loss
Grief affects everyone differently, which means that not everyone will feel their grief and loss in the same way. It is common to feel sadness, and to wonder whether you have made the right choice, but some people may also experience numbness, relief, joy at seeing your child with a safe family and many other emotions. It is important to know that any emotions that you experience are valid.
In some cases, though, adoption loss can be accompanied by postpartum and post-adoption depression. You can read more on those topics here.
If you work with a reputable adoption agency, you can expect that you will have adoption counseling before and during the adoption process, which can be an important part of moving forward after an adoption is complete.
How to Deal with Adoption Grief
For a birth mother, emotional effects of adoption are likely to be strong at the time of the adoption and directly after, especially as your body experiences pregnancy and post-pregnancy hormones. Working with an adoption counselor can be an important part of your adoption journey as you decide the best option for your pregnancy and develop skills to help you cope at the time of the adoption.
It can also be helpful to build a support team to help you during and after the pregnancy. Surrounding yourself with friends, family members, partners, spiritual leaders, or other people close to you can give you stability and help you process your emotions.
One birth mother shared these thoughts about dealing with adoption grief:
“Never at one point did I regret my decision but I had to deal with those feelings,” says Lindsey, a birth mom who chose adoption for her daughter, Charlotte. “I talked about my experience which was a huge help in getting through this process and now I’m at a really good spot in my life. I don’t feel regret. I’m really happy. Really, really happy.”
You can see more of her story here.
Adoption Grief Stages
It may also help to know that there are adoption grief stages, and that feelings can change over time.
While you may feel joy one day seeing your child’s happiness, you may also feel regretful other days or wonder if you made the right choice, and this is normal.
While the stages of grief are often presented as linear, people may experience positive feelings and negative feelings in waves or complex feelings, and may have times where previous emotions return. During these times, counseling can be an important step.
Where to Get Help
Great adoption agencies will have support available to you 24/7, for free. Below are some examples of agencies that offer counseling and support:
An unplanned pregnancy can be a lot to process, but there is always a shoulder for you to lean on. Even if you haven’t yet decided if adoption is for you, an adoption professional can help you review your unplanned pregnancy options. Reach out to an adoption professional to get the support you need today.